In order to heal your life and past traumas it`s important to understand that behind hurtful experiences is lack of safety. Fear means not feeling safe. It all comes down to this. When we are little we are dependent of our parents and adults in our lives to keep us safe emotionally and physically. We do not have a choice. We are completely under the influence of our environment and our caregivers. Our survival depends on them. If we grow up in environment were our caregivers couldn’t give us love and safety we needed, we will grow up and carry the wounds inside of us as long as we dare to face them and heal them.
It is important to also know that your caregivers were also wounded, other wise you wouldn’t have grown in unhealthy environment. When you understand this and at the same time know, from your own experience, how difficult it can be to forgive and heal yourself you can release a lot of hard feelings towards them. Not all of us can do the inner work in this life time and not all of us even understand that they have wounds that needs to be healed or that they are affecting life and people around them in negative way. That is the hard truth about this life.
If you are on your healing journey, I believe you can consider yourself as a lucky one. You understand that you can heal yourself and by healing yourself you will heal life around you. You will leave this place as a little better. You will not take further the global pain. Dysfunctional behavior can not continue in truly genuine atmosphere. What ever has been going on in your relationships, all of them will improve when you make progress with yourself.
In order to heal you need to create healthy, safe environment for yourself. If you keep trying to heal in environment which is really dysfunctional you will make very slow progress. Part of the healing is also letting go of what we can’t change. It is very hard to heal from childhood wounds in very dysfunction relationship. That been said we also need to understand that nobody is perfect our loved ones can’t do our healing work and they can’t fulfill all our needs. But trust yourself, you will know those people who will not understand at all your needs or who can even sabotages your journey towards beautiful healthy you. From those people you need to take distance. Dysfunctional behavior can not continue in truly genuine atmosphere. What ever has been going on in your relationships, all of them will improve when you make progress with yourself. That means that when you heal, people around you will also change and become more loving to you.
You also need to have substitute experiences. If you were rejected as a child you need to have experiences where you are truly accepted as you are. You will heal when you dare to trust, be vulnerable and show yourself to others and when you experience relationships where you are loved and respected. Find your tribe, go out there and make friends, be with people and dare to be openly you. People can help you heal if you let them just by accepting you as you are. When we will have experiences of being genuinely accepted and liked it will heal the heart.