When I was a little girl, I believed that I would become a singer when I grow up. Music was what my life was all about when I was young and up to young adulthood.
In my family there where music always involved somehow. We watched all the music programs on tv, my dad played keyboards and my sister and i both sing. The memories of music and the moments when my father played and we sang alongside with my sister is one of the best memories of my childhood I have.
As a child, i have sung in front of the mirror hairbrush as a microphone and dream of becoming a star for hours. I was in the choir for 6 years throughout primary school. As a young adult, I studied classical singing for about 2 years, but though I did the first grade with commendable grades, I felt that classical singing was not “my thing”. It was still such a great learning experience for example to breathing techniques.
In my twenties, I was still sure that one day I would become a famous singer. At that time I was unemployed and spent all my free time practicing singing. I’ve participated in all kinds of song competitions and we sang in the nightclub with my sister a while. My voice was really good at that time.
But then at the age of 22, I had my first baby and everything changed. If you’ve been following me on social media you know that when my first daughter was born she became ill with severe atopy and sensitivity to sunlight, her skin burned when she was exposed to the sun for 20 seconds.
So, I became a mother for a child that was not healthy and I focused on her completely. It was such a big life change that I forget all of my dreams about becoming a singer and music. I also found myself thinking that as a mother the lifestyle of how singers live: traveling much, staying away from home, staying up late at night, singing in the nightclubs was not the lifestyle I wanted.
As a very sensitive person, music has always touched my emotions very strongly. When my dad died of cancer when I was 24, I stopped listening to music completely. I was months without listening to any kind of music. I didn’t even listen to the radio in the car. The music and my dad were in my memories related so deeply that the music intensified my emotions too much. I just couldn`t bear to listen to anything.
Over a decade, music was not in my life almost at all in any format. I let it go from my life almost completely. Maybe`cause i didn’t know how to deal with the emotions around it because i had given up the dream of becoming a singer which had been there for almost 20 years.
I sometimes sang in the car while listening to the radio but that was it.
When I started my journey of healing and inner work I found music again in my life but, this time with a completely different concept. I approached music from a whole new perspective.
My “music life” changed. I didn`t expect music to come back into my life in a much more rewarding form. I say rewarding cause music gives me so much happiness in much more diverse way than before.
I also saw the reason why there was a long time that music was not in my life. Because I didn`t know what was my musical range and world anymore… I had changed so much as a person that I was also lost in what kind of music I would listen to and like.
Suddenly, I no longer liked the love-angsty-pop songs I had listened to most of my life and I didn’t know what to look for eighter.
Then 1,5 year ago we started playing the violin with my youngest daughter Mila (6 years). I had dreamed my whole life of learning to play some instrument and as I started approaching my 40s, the feeling inside me grew and grew that if I didn’t do it now I would regret the rest of my life.
Playing the violin introduced me to a whole new kind of music. I also found myself becoming more and more in love with instrumental music. Before, the words had been the most important to me in the songs, but now the music itself, the connection between music and how it moved not only my soul but also body, the way it resonated in every cell making the energy flow was something completely new and interesting.
Oh, and this is such a great example to understand that there is divine order in everything that comes into our lives. There is always the right time for everything and we do not need to force anything to happen. Music came back to my life when it was a right time.
Today I consciously use music to feel good. I choose music that makes the soul grow… which feeds my soul. I choose music that vibrates in every cell of my body! I dance alone at home with instrumental music and enjoy the movement, (which is the best way I know to get yourself to a good mood!)
I also use music in meditation but, not just traditional soothing meditation music but deep rhythms … i love for example shaman drum music. Today you can find really high quality instrumental music for meditation. I have used Soulvana meditation app, it provides great music for meditation.
Today, music is so much more to me than it used to be. Music can be in many ways in our lives. We do not always understand how many different styles to experience music exist.
Music can help you heal, relax, and get yourself a damn good mood when you need a burst of energy. What does music mean to you?
I don`t listen to music that reinforces negative emotions in me or songs where I can identify with the “self-pity” words. I use the music just for the opposite, to create joy and release my body from blocks and get into to a great flow.
Click below to listen some music I love… Happy new week!